Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Poetry, Lonely Hearts: Between

& Now for the one I wrote today, which to me sums up how I've felt since Sunday when she told me again we needed time apart... She's been hinting at that for months, but silly me I've been trying to support her through the hard times... But she just wants to distance herself from everyone, saying she needs 'space' and wants 'freedom'... To bad for me, my feelings just can't be turned off like a switch... Yesterday she told me during my lunch at work that if I couldn't be happy she didn't want to see me... And she didn't seem to understand she is the only thing that's ever really made me happy... Making a fairly self defeating situation... Anyways...



You are the flame that has kept the darkness in my soul away
Before you all I knew was loneliness, pain, bitterness, and anger

The loneliness consumed me drawing me into despair
The Pain made it hurt to touch anyone
The Bitterness kept me from succeeding
The Anger made me want to hurt everyone

You are the heat that warmed the cold places of my heart
You are the light that pushed back the darkness in my soul

I was with you and I was lonely no more
I was with you and that made the pain fade
I was with you and the bitterness no longer held me back
I was with you and the anger let me leash it

But now you want to be alone, Independent you say
Your my flame and it is going out

My loneliness returns, making me want you all the more
My Pain blooms, making it hurt not to touch you
My Bitterness awakens, and I no longer find a reason to be more
My Anger consumes, and I want to hurt everyone except you

But all I seem to do is hurt you now
And that is the last thing I want

I'm in between and feel so lost...
Where has my light gone again...?


Seraphine said...

Expressing what you feel is the best thing. You do it beautifully.

theshadow said...

Thank you... I talked to her again yesterday after I'd sent her a note... Strangely she still swears I don't understand her and says that I shouldn't be sad and repeatedly that if I couldn't be happy she didn't want to see me... All of which makes no sense to me... But...

Ginseng Kyong said...

When I am with someone I love I just want to be around them all the time. For some women, this pushes them away, others like it. Hmm if it pushes some away, so be it, I cannot change who I am... as you should not.

Hmm reading all of this still reminds me of my first love... so sad I was to loose her, so sad memories, but she had the same kind of bs words for me that did not make sense. But it was for the best, because I later discovered there were ladies out there who liked my passion.